|
|
The
following steps represent ideas for increasing my safety
and preparing in advance for the possibility for further
violence. Although I do not have control over my partner's
violence, I do have a choice about how to respond to
situations and how to best get myself and my children
to safety. By no means is this list comprehensive and
not all things on this list may apply to me and my unique
situation. Having these and other steps done ahead of
time can make the decision to leave easier when an opportunity
presents itself or my physical safety demands it. In
addition, it may give me some peace of mind and a sense
of regaining some control over life again.
My
local domestic violence program is available to assist
me with safety planning, either in person or over the
phone. I do not have to give my name or any other identifying
information. I can utilize their free services as part
of my overall safety plan!
| Step
1: Safety during a violent incident |
I
can't always avoid violent incidents. In order to increase
safety, I can use some or all of the following strategies:
| A.
|
Practice
how to get out safely. What doors, windows, elevators,
stairwells or fire escapes would I use?
If I decide to leave, I will: |
| B. |
I
can keep my purse and car keys ready, always being
sure to keep them in a certain place so that I
can leave quickly. I can also leave a set of keys
with a trusted friend or relative. I will make
sure they know WHY so they don't accidentally
let it slip if my abuser talks with them. I can
put a set in my desk drawer at work or hidden
somewhere on the outside of my home. I can get
a magnetic key box that attaches under the fender
of the car.
I can stash keys at:
|
| C. |
I
can tell certain neighbors about the situation
and request they call the police if they hear
suspicious noises coming from my house.
My trusted neighbors and their phone numbers are:
|
| D. |
I
can teach my children how to use the telephone
to contact police and medical help by using 911.
I can make sure my children know their full names,
our address and other important information in
case they need to call for help or we get separated
because of violence. I can teach my children to
run to a neighbor's house or a nearby public place
if violence occurs. I will teach and practice
with my children:
|
| E. |
Because
I might be in danger and not able to talk freely,
I will devise a code for my children, family,
friends or co-workers so they will know that I
need them to call for help on my behalf. For example,
I might say that "today is my cousin Shirley's
birthday" - I don't HAVE a cousin Shirley
so my support system will know that if I use this
phrase, I might be in danger. My code for getting
help from friends, family, co-workers and my children
can be:
|
| F. |
Since
I might have to leave my home quickly, I should
be aware of where I might go in an emergency.
I need to select public places, preferably places
that are open 24 hours a day and close to my home.
Hospitals, convenience stores, restaurants and
grocery stores are likely to be open, have pay
phones where I can dial 911 for help, and room
INSIDE for me to wait for police to arrive.
NOTE:
As part of your safety plan, you MUST find out
in advance if your local police station is manned
24 hours a day! Victims have been gunned down
by abusers in front of police stations because
they fled to police offices during evening or
weekend shifts - only to find out that the doors
were locked and they could only speak to a dispatcher
on the phone thus leaving them as sitting ducks
- waiting around for an officer to show up. Police
officers are usually on patrol in their vehicles
and many police stations and sub-stations are
NOT manned 24 hours a day.
Places
I can go in case of violence or crisis are:
|
| G. |
When
I believe that an argument or violence are about
to happen, I can minimize the risk of physical
injury to myself by trying to get to a room that
has access to an outside door, by avoiding rooms
that provide easy weapons for my abuser such as
knives in the kitchen or fighting in rooms where
an abuser keeps a gun, or rooms where I might
get trapped such as the bathroom (since bathroom
doors are usually not reinforced they are VERY
easy to kick in). The safest places in my home
for confrontation include:
|
| Step
2: Making it easier to leave |
When
I leave the residence I share with an abuser, I must
plan carefully to increase safety for myself and my
children. If my abuser believes that I am trying to
escape, they may strike back or increase the violence
to try to get me to stay. I can use some or all the
following safety strategies:
| A. |
In
order to increase my ability to identify myself
and my children, to apply for various types of aid
and assistance and to keep me from having to return
to the residence and possibly confront an angry
abuser, I will keep copies or photocopies of important
documents that I can grab quickly if I need to leave: |
|
 |
Identification
for myself |
|
|
Children's
birth certificate |
|
|
My
birth certificate |
|
|
Social
security cards |
|
|
School
and vaccination records |
|
|
Money |
|
|
Checks,
ATM card |
|
|
Credit
cards |
|
|
Keys
- house/car/office |
|
|
Driver's
license and registration |
|
|
Welfare
identification, work permits, Green card |
|
|
Passport(s),
Divorce papers |
|
|
Medical
records |
|
|
Lease/rental
agreement, deeds, mortgage payment book |
|
|
Bank
books, Insurance papers |
|
|
Pet
licenses, vet receipts or paperwork establishing
your ownership |
|
|
Password
to any online accounts |
This
website provides a worksheet for tracking important
information that I should have with me when leaving.
The information will help to protect my identity, continue
access to important accounts, and provide crucial information
to law enforcement should I decide to press charges,
file for a protection order, etc. This worksheet is
"disguised" as an "Emergency Preparedness
Kit", like the Hurricane Kits provided by agencies
like FEMA, to minimize the possibility that my abuser
will know the real purpose of the worksheet.
| B. |
I
will be calmer and feel more in control under
stress if I am aware of resources waiting to help
me, if I know how to contact them, and have an
idea of the assistance available to me. I can
either ask the police to help me get to safety
with friends or family or I can contact my local
domestic violence program.
My
local domestic violence program is:
|
| C. |
I
can keep change for phone calls on me at all times.
I should NOT use a telephone calling card linked
to my phone bill, because my abuser will be able
to tell what friends, family or other numbers
I have called. To keep my communications private,
I will use change or prepaid calling cards. (For
cheap calls, even international calls, try Pingo.com.)
I can keep change or calling cards:
NOTE:
Using a cell phone is NOT safe and can put you
in danger! An abuser who knows your cell number,
your name and the last four digits of your social
security number can probably access your account
with your cell phone service provider and report
your phone lost or stolen, in which case your
phone service will be turned OFF. Abusers with
this information may also be able to view your
detailed billing via the internet and thus know
exactly who you have been calling for help. If
using a cell phone, you MUST call your cell company
and put a password on your account to prevent
access. You must also check to see if online access
is activated for your account and either disable
it or change the password. Be aware that if your
abuser's name is also on the account, they can
show photo identification to the cell phone company
and gain access again and/or reset the passwords.
If your abuser has your cell service suspended,
you should be aware that as long as your phone
is charged, your phone will still dial two numbers:
611 for customer service and 911 for emergencies.
Nextel phones may be an exception.
|
| D. |
If
my abuser is not arrested at the time of a violent
incident, I cannot be sure that it will be safe
for me to return home to pick up items I might
need. In order to be prepared, I can:
Leave
an extra set of clothes for myself and my children
and several days of any required medications at:
|
|
E.
|
If
I need to return to my residence, I will call
my local police or sheriff and request a "domestic
violence standby" to ensure my safety. I
will go to a place close to my residence and call
to have them meet me there. They will follow me
to my residence and wait while I collect some
things. I will make sure to ask the officer for
a business card or a name and badge number. I
might also fill this officer in on the circumstances
and ask them to keep an extra eye on my residence.
Phone number of police/sheriff:
I
will ask them to meet me at:
|
|
Items
to take include:
|
|
|
Medication |
|
|
Children's
favorite toys and/or blankets |
|
|
Small saleable objects |
|
|
Address book |
|
|
Pictures,
jewelry |
|
|
Items
of special sentimental value |
| Step
3: Safety in my own residence |
Once
I am able to return home or obtain alternate housing,
there are many things I can do to increase safety in
my own residence. It may be impossible to do everything
at once, but safety measures can be added step by step.
Safety measures I can use include:
| A. |
I
can change the locks on my doors and windows as
soon as possible. |
| B. |
I
can replace wooden doors with steel/metal doors. |
| C.
|
I
can install security systems including additional
locks, window bars, poles to wedge against doors,
an electronic system, etc. I might be able to get
a free security system from ADT security. I will
ask my local domestic violence program for information. |
| D. |
I
can purchase rope ladders to be used for escape
from second floor windows. |
| E. |
I
can install smoke detectors and purchase fire extinguishers
for each floor in my house/apartment. |
| F. |
I
can install an outside lighting system that lights
up when a person is coming close to my house. |
| G. |
I
can use a panic button system from ADT to alert
authorities that I am in imminent danger. |
Be
sure to speak with advocates at your local law enforcement
agency and/or domestic violence program about these
steps. Often there are programs that can help get these
things done for you or cover the costs.
| Step
4: Safety with an Order of Protection |
It
is impossible for me to know if my abuser will obey
a protection orders or not. I recognize that I may need
to ask the police and the court to enforce my protection
order. The following are some steps that I can take
to help the enforcement of my protection order:
| A. |
I
will keep my protection order on or near me at all
times. I can also keep copies in the car, at the
office, etc. |
| B.
|
I
will give copies of my protection order to police
departments in the communities where I usually visit
family or friends, and in the community where I
live. |
| C. |
For
further safety, if I often visit other counties
in my area, I might file my protection order with
the court in those counties.
I will register my protection order in the following
counties:
|
| D. |
I
can check to make sure my order is listed in the
registries of counties where I live and work by
calling the Clerk of the Court and/or the sheriff's
office for each county. Local county contact numbers: |
| E. |
I
can call the local domestic violence program if
I am not sure about any item above or if I have
some problem with my protection order. |
| F.
|
I
can inform my employer, my minister, my closest
friend and others that I have a protection order
in effect. |
| G. |
If
my protection order gets lost or stolen, I can
get another copy.
The closest Court Clerk's Office is located at:
|
| H. |
If
my protection order is violated, I can call the
police and report a violation, contact my attorney,
call my advocate, and/or advise the court of the
violation. |
| I. |
If
the police do not help, I can contact my advocate
or attorney and will file a complaint with the chief
of the police department or the county sheriff's
office. |
| J. |
I
can also file a private criminal compliant with
the district justice in the jurisdiction where the
violation occurred or with the district attorney.
I can charge my abuser with a violation of the Order
of Protection and all the crimes that he or she
commits in violating the order. I can call my local
domestic violence advocate to help me with this.
|
| Step
5: Safety on the job and in public |
Relationship
violence is the number one cause of death of women in
the workplace! While it might be important for me to
try to continue to work during this situation, I might
be at continued risk from violence from my abuser. My
employer and co-workers can help to protect me if I
inform them of the situation. I might do any or all
of the following:
| A. |
I
can inform my boss, my secretary, the security supervisor
and the police department near my office of my situation.
|
| B. |
I
can ask co-workers to help screen my telephone calls
at work. |
| C. |
When
leaving work, I can try to leave with other people
or I can ask security to walk me out. If I know
I will be leaving after dark or working late, I
can move my car closer to the entrance while at
lunch or on my break. |
| D. |
If
problems occur when driving around, I can flag down
a law enforcement officer or other public safety
official, drive to a local hospital or get to some
other public place. |
| E. |
If
I use public transit, I can get off at a different
stop than my abuser might expect, inform the driver
that someone might be stalking me, or wait to exit
until I see that other people will be exiting also.
|
| F.
|
I
might go to different grocery stores and shopping
malls to conduct my business and shop at hours that
are different than those when residing with my abuser.
|
| G. |
I
can use a different bank and take care of my banking
at hours different from those I used when residing
with my abuser, arrange for direct deposit, or ask
a trusted co-worker to take my deposit for me. Other
things I might do include: |
| Step
6: Safety when using drugs or alcohol |
The
legal consequences of using or possessing illegal drugs
can hurt my relationship with my children and put me
at a disadvantage in other legal actions concerning
my abuser and/or the custody of my children. The use
of any alcohol or other drug can reduce my ability to
act quickly to protect myself and my children from an
abuser. I can enhance safety for myself and my children
by:
| A. |
If
I am going to use drugs or alcohol, I can do so
in a safe place and with people who understand the
risk of violence against me and are committed to
my safety. |
| B. |
If
I am going to use drugs or alcohol, I need to do
so apart from my children, after I have arranged
for them to be in the care of a competent adult. |
| C.
|
If
I am going to use drugs or alcohol, I need to ensure
that I have a safe way to return home, such as a
designated driver. |
| D. |
If
I am using drugs or alcohol to cope with anxiety,
depression or stress, I can help to ensure my ability
to care for myself and my children by finding better
coping mechanisms and replacing destructive behaviors
with more positive activities such as joining a
support group, increasing my exercise, and finding
activities that I can do with my children. |
| Step
7: Safety and my children |
| A. |
In
the event that my partner takes my children, I will
teach my children how to use the telephone to call
to me (including how to call collect) and how to
use 911. I can make sure that if my child has a
cellphone, that there are multiple numbers my child
can use to contact me. I can "disguise"
some of these numbers in case my partner erases
my numbers (like listing my numbers under "School
Bus" or other name my partner isn't likely
to consider).
I will teach and practice with my children: |
| B. |
I
will tell people who take care of my children
what persons have permission to pick up my children
and that my partner is not permitted to do so.
The people I will inform about pick-up permission
include:
School:
Day
Care staff:
Babysitter:
Sunday
school teacher:
Teacher/Principal:
|
| C. |
I
can inform neighbors, pastor and friends that my
partner no longer resides with me and they should
call the police if observed near my residence. |
| D. |
If
immigration issues exist, or if I believe my partner
may try to leave the country with my child(ren),
I can contact the US Department of State, Office
of Children's Issues at 1-888-407-4747 to ensure
that a visa or passport cannot be obtained for the
child(ren). I can also ask their help in contacting
the embassy for the country my partner might try
to flee to for the same reason. |
| Step
8: Financial safety and independence |
I
realize that financial control is one of the biggest
factors that could keep me tied to an abusive relationship.
| A. |
Not
only does lack of my own personal money cause stress
for me and reduce the options for myself and my
children, but the lack of privacy around my money
can be another way that my partner monitors me or
tries to control me. My partner might be able to
monitor my spending and gain information about my
activities and my location. I can protect my privacy
by:
Using cash and limiting the use of credit cards
since my partner might be able to see my transactions
online or might have enough information to access
my account by phone.
Talking with my bank or looking online to see if
my account can be accessed or monitored via the
internet - then changing any passwords or restricting
online access. Just as with cell phones, if my partner's
name is on the account, they can show photo ID at
the bank and gain access again.
Stashing enough cash to cover several days in a
hotel and meals just in case I need it. |
| B.
|
To
increase my independence, I can open a savings account.
If I am concerned that my abuser will find out,
I will use my work address or a friend's address
to keep this account private or I can visit the
website of a local bank to open a savings account
that operates entirely online so no account statements
will arrive in the mail. |
| C. |
Credit
is another way that my partner might try to cripple
me, which might include: keeping my credit accounts
maxed out so that I can't use them, canceling accounts
that I might use, or opening accounts without my
knowledge to drive my credit score down. I can combat
these credit controls by:
Contacting each credit card company and finding
out for sure which ones I am personally and legally
responsible for. In some cases, I might be seen
as an account holder, while in other cases I may
only be a user on my partner's account. Knowing
which accounts are truly tied to my personal credit
will allow me to decide which accounts to rescue
and which accounts to bypass.
For cards that I am liable for, I can ask the credit
card company to help my family through our time
of crisis. The card company might suspend late fees
and interest for up to a year, if I agree not to
use the card (it will likely be suspended). This
will help to keep my account from getting further
and further in the hole and give me an opportunity
to salvage the accounts and end up with decent credit
if I am able to make small payments each month.
I can contact my local credit counseling agency
- or my local domestic violence program or United
Way for a referral in my area - who can help me
to begin separating me from joint accounts. They
might also be able to help me to negotiate lower
payments and pay-off rates with my existing accounts.
Getting a copy of my credit report to see what accounts
show up under my name to get a true picture of my
credit situation. Under the Fair Credit Reporting
Act I am entitled to one free credit report disclosure
in a 12 month period. To request this free annual
disclosure I must contact the Central Source. To
contact the Central Source on-line, visit www.annualcreditreport.com.
I can also contact the Central Source to request
this free annual disclosure by calling toll free
(877) FACT-ACT or by using the mail request form
available at the Central Source website. I can find
out how to correct, contest, or question anything
on my credit report by visiting www.equifax.com.
Visiting with a local bankruptcy attorney. Many
give free seminars in the evenings or on weekends
to answer questions about options related to credit
cards and other financial matters. I can check my
phone book yellow pages under - Attorneys: Bankruptcy
- to find a free seminar near me.
Asking others to help me. Credit card companies,
landlords, utility companies and others may be willing
to extend payment due dates, waive late fees or
other fines, and make alternate payment arrangements
if they are alerted to my situation by a proper
authority - which might include law enforcement,
the prosecutor or State Attorney's office or my
local domestic violence program. If I have sought
help from one or more of these agencies, I can ask
them to further assist me in this regard. |
| Step
9: Safety and my emotional health |
The
experience of being abused and verbally degraded is
usually exhausting and emotionally draining. The process
of building a new life takes much courage and incredible
energy. To conserve my emotional energy and resources
and to avoid hard emotional times, I can do some of
the following:
| A. |
Use
"I can . . . "statements with myself
and be assertive with others. " If I feel
down and ready to return to a potentially abusive
situation, I can:
When
I have to communicate with my partner in person
or by telephone, I can:
Whenever
I feel that others are trying to control me, I
can:
To
help myself feel stronger, I can read:
When
I need support or a shoulder to cry on, I can
call:
Things
that I could do or learn that would help me feel
stronger are:
Things
that I could do or learn that would help me to
become more independent are:
To
help gain support and strengthen relationships
with other people, I can attend workshops or support
groups or:
|
| Step
10: Safety by being prepared |
| |
|
| A. |
I
will sit down and review my safety plan, rehearse
my escape plan and, as appropriate, practice it
with my children. |
| B. |
I
will keep this document in a safe place and out
of the reach of my abuser. |
| C. |
I
will review this plan each time there is a change
in my situation, which might include: moving to
a new location, the serving of legal papers on my
abuser, the arrest of my abuser, the release of
my abuser, or any other significant change or event
which could impact the safety of myself and/or my
children. |
Review date:_________________________
|
