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In
Case of
Emergency
Always Call
911
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Main
Office:
(805) 983-6014
Emergency Shelter Hotline:
(805)
656-1111
Help Available to Callers
24 hours a Day
24-Hour Billingual Hotline
(800) 300-2181
Law
Enforcement Referral
(805) 983-6014
Anger
Management
(805) 656-4861
TTY
- Hearing Impaired
(805) 656-4439
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Domestic
Violence Warning Signs
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There
is no way to tell for sure if someone is experiencing
domestic violence. Those who are battered, and those who
abuse, come in all personality types. Battered women are
not always passive with low self-esteem, and batterers
are not always violent or hateful to their partner in
front of others. Most people experiencing relationship
violence do not tell others what goes on at home. So how
do you tell?
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Here
are some signs to look for:
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| Injuries
and Excuses: |
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In
some cases, bruises and injuries may occur frequently
and be in obvious places. When this happens, the intent
of the batterer is to keep the victim isolated and trapped
at home. When black eyes and other bruising is a result
of an assault, the person being battered may be forced
to call in sick to work, or face the embarrassment and
excuses of how the injuries occurred. In other cases,
bruises and other outward injuries never occur. When there
are frequent injuries seen by others, the one being battered
may talk about being clumsy, or have elaborate stories
of how the injuries occurred. The truth about the source
of injuries will not usually be told unless the one told
could be trusted and/or the one being battered wants help
to end the relationship. |
| Absences
from Work or School: |
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When
severe beatings or other trauma related to violence occurs,
the one being battered may take time off from his/her
normal schedule. If you see this happening, or the person
is frequently late, this could be a sign of something
(such as relationship violence) occurring. |
| Low
Self-Esteem: |
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Some
battered women have low self-esteem, while others have
a great deal of confidence and esteem in other areas of
their life (at work, as a mother, with hobbies, etc.)
but not within their relationship. In terms of dealing
with the relationship, a sense of powerlessness and low
self-esteem may exist. A battered woman may believe that
she could not make it on her own without her partner and
that she is lucky to have him in her life. |
| Accusations
of Having Affairs: |
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This
is a common tactic used by batterers as an attempt to
isolate their partners and as an excuse for a beating.
It could include accusations of looking at other men,
wanting to be with other men, or having affairs with the
man bagging groceries at the local supermarket. Friends
of the couple may observe this at times, but what is seen
in public is usually only a small fraction of what the
battered woman experiences at home. |
| Personality
Changes: |
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People
may notice that a very outgoing person, for instance,
becomes quiet and shy around his/her partner. This happens
because the one being battered "walks on egg shells"
when in the presence of the one who is abusive to her.
Accusations (of flirting, talking too loudly, or telling
the wrong story to someone) have taught the abused person
that it is easier to act a certain way around the batterer
than to experience additional accusations in the future. |
| Fear
of Conflict: |
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As
a result of being battered, some may generalize the experience
of powerlessness with other relationships. Conflicts with
co-workers, friends, relatives, and neighbors can create
a lot of anxiety. For many, it is easier to give in to
whatever someone else wants than to challenge it. Asserting
one’s needs and desires begins to feel like a battle,
and not worth the risks of losing. |
| Not
Knowing What One Wants or How One Feels: |
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For
adults or children who have experienced violence from
a loved one, the ability to identify feelings and wants,
and to express them, may not exist. This could result
in passive-aggressive behavior. Rather than telling others
what you want, you say one thing but then express your
anger or frustration in an aggressive manner (such as
scratching his favorite car, burning dinner, or not completing
a report on time for your boss). |
| Blaming
Others for Everything: |
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The
abuse, which usually includes the batterer blaming others
for everything that goes wrong, is usually targeted at
a partner or ex-partner. For example, a simple drive somewhere
could turn into a violent situation if the batterer blames
the partner and/or children for getting them lost. Co-workers
and relatives may observe this type of behavior, and it
may be directed at others as well. |
| Self-blame: |
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You
may notice someone taking all of the blame for things
that go wrong. A co-worker may share a story about something
that happened at home and then take all of the blame for
whatever occurred. If you notice this happening a lot,
it may be a sign that one is taking all of the blame is
being battered. |
| Aggressive
or Care-taking Behavior in Children: |
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Children
who live in violent homes may take that experience with
them to school and to the playground. Often the class
bully is a child who sees violence in his home (directed
at mom, or at some or all of the children in the home).
Children who seem very grown-up and are sensitive and
attentive to others’ needs may see violence at home
as well. |
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Reporting
suspected domestic abuse is important. If you're afraid
of getting involved, remember that the report is confidential
and everything possible will be done to protect your
privacy. You don’t have to give your name, and
your suspicions will be investigated before anyone is
taken into custody. Most important, you can protect
the victim from further harm by calling for help.
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