Children, regardless of whether they have experienced abuse directly, are affected by violence in the home. Children who witness abuse display the same emotional responses as children who have been physically and emotionally abused. Abusive behavior is learned behavior, and children from domestic violent homes are at a grater risk of becoming the next generation of abusers and victims. They may develop patterns that mimic the behavior of batterers and victims. The lessons they learn from experiencing or observing abuse accompany them into adulthood.

As adults, females may develop distrust of males, negative attitudes toward marriage, and accept violence or other forms of abuse as natural. Many males, even though they may have intervened on at least one occasion to stop the abuse, may identify with the semmingly more powerful batterers and adopt many of their attitudes toward women and their use of control tactics.

Children of domestic violence also stand a greater chance of experiencing neglect. Depression, fear, frustration, helplessness, and anger may serve as obstacles for many battered women who are trying to foster nurturing relationships with their children. After having had their foundation destroyed by domestic abuse, children from abusive homes find it difficult to develop trust, self-confidence or positive self-image. They may become ambivalent and desensitized to abuse. The children's initial sympathy for the victim may wane, especially if defensive measures taken by the victim are not apparent to the children.

Remember being a child. Remember being dependent on adults for shelter, food, care, and even for explanations about what the world is all about. Now picture that one of those adults treats the other adult like they are stupid and incompetent. How safe can you feel? Who do you trust and depend on now? The one who looks weak? Or the other one, the one who seems strong, but also seems dangerous? Who is going to protect you? How can you look to the victim or the attacker for help? How can you look to them for models of how to handle life?

Domestic violence hurts children. It causes children the same intensity of distress as being abused directly. Children who observe abuse can have problems growing up, problems performing in school, problems forming and keeping friendships, problems at work and problems forming and keeping adult love relationships. Such children are more likely than other children to grow up to be violent themselves. In fact, direct child abuse and indirect child abuse (spouse abuse) are probably the most central cause of violence in our society. The majority of abusers were themselves abused, or observed abuse.

However, not all of the children who observe abuse become abusive. All suffer, but many learn that abuse is not acceptable and learn other ways of dealing with life. The intergenerational transmission of violence can be interrupted. Parents who realize they have been abusive need to know they have also harmed their children. If they want to make amends, to make it right again they have to model and teach a better way of life for their children. Only then can we truly break the cycle of violence.